According to author Hal Borland, there are people who would rather summer never end, and who would be much happier if we never made the transition into autumn at all. These same people often hope, unsuccessfully, that the world will do exactly what they want in other areas as well. Unfortunately, you and I (and usually these summer loving folks) usually know that this isn’t how the universe works.
Sometimes things are just out of our control – and that can be a really hard realization at times. Sometimes when we realize that things are entirely out of our control, we can feel all different kinds of ways about it. Maybe it makes us anxious, or maybe it makes us feel scared, or maybe it makes us feel really angry. And guess what? The things that get us feeling all sorts of ways don’t have to be big and important either!
One example that I often like to give is that I get upset when my packages don’t arrive on time, or when Amazon says they’re supposed to. I know this about myself, and I know that about 95% of the time, my packages get to my front door either on time, or even ahead of schedule. But if I’m not keeping my thoughts and feelings in check, my ears can start turning the shade of those apples at the top of this blog post when I get to my front door after work and see that the book I was expecting didn’t arrive when I was told it would.
So what are the lovers of endless summers and on-time-book-deliveries supposed to do? No matter what we do, the summer is going to transition into autumn (at least it will here in Buffalo, NY), and no amount of foot stomping or any amount of huffing is going to make the truck that’s sitting in Nebraska with my book on it arrive to my front door any sooner than when it’s going to arrive.
Fortunately, we can find the answer in any number of ways in both counseling or therapy. However, one of the best ways I’ve found is through learning Dialectical Behavior Therapy’s Distress Tolerance Skills; or those skills that allow us to get through a crisis (however we define that for ourselves) without making it worse, and then learning how to live with whatever it is that’s out of our control, and that we just can’t change (whether it’s the seasons, not being in the career or occupation we wanted because of life circumstances or the economy, or having to come to terms with a physical limitation or newfound disability).
While I don’t practice Dialectical Behavior Therapy, there are many folks who do. If you’re local in Buffalo and would like to learn more, I highly recommend my colleague Ashley Maracle, LCSW. Until then, please watch the videos by Marsha Linehan (the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy herself) to learn a more on Distress Tolerance, and how it can help you.
…I’ll be here waiting for my book!